LAWS OF FEMALE RELATIVITY

LAWS OF FEMALE RELATIVITY

Firstly, my apologies……I have made minor ramifications to the blog planned as ‘THE NAKHRAS OF WOMEN’. This is what I have come up with now.

SOURCES: my baby sis ( who is no more a baby but behaves like one----she is 18 ), my ex-girlfreind( thank god ), my aunt ( who I am extremely close to ), a wild, impatient and curious feline ( without a coccyx ), a friend who I was really close to at one point of time in college ( sigh ) and my best friend’s girlfriend ( who thinks im spoiling him..will do even more after reading this probably ).

1. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.

2. girls are like elephants you can see them.. but can never own one

3. Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.

4. If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way

5. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense;)

6. Men forget but never forgive. Women forgive but never forget

7. behind every satisfied woman there is a tired man ( don’t you dare think dirty )

8. ."hell hath no fury as a scorned woman"...

9. love is blind..... but marriage is a real eye opener

10. Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage.
Marriage is the price men have to pay for sex. ( not from the sources mentioned above )

11. regularly used oxymoron….” Clearly misunderstood!!! “

12. favourite subject ( another oxymoron in itself )……” political science”

13. never ask a woman out to a shopping mall. Even if you do, make sure you are not carrying any cash or your debit card with you. ( for obvious reasons )

14. ask a woman to dress up two hours before u wanna leave. That’s a bare minimum. Also say that she is looking good even if she is not…..otherwise you stand to risk another couple of hours.

15. never refer to previous situations…….they suffer from temporary amnesia.

16. always stay alert because a stretch of excessive laughter can suddenly convert to wrath.

17. never try to read a female or predict her moves………ull always end up on the wrong side. ( especially in matters of the heart )

18. think a hundred times over before praising another woman in front of one……she will kill the last cell in your body.

19. a woman is always right, women are the wisest species on earth…..in case of any altercations refer to the two rules above.

20. always trust a woman…..never expect anything in return. ( ull be left felling chagrin )

the art called 'woman'

It is said that ‘the hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world’. Albeit, the truth of the statement remains debatable, the mysterious aura associated with women is conspicuous. It’s the rendition from god that keeps us men captivated and dazzled. From the burgeoning swoosh of the hair to the convoluted curves of the body, it is what maketh the male sex drool.

Dating back to the days of history, behind every man’s success ( or failure ) there has been a woman’s role. Just like they can play the ‘shoulder to lean on’ role, they can also be the master of deceit. And when a woman lays a dubious trap, males are generally known tofall for it hook-line-sinker. No wonder women are deified as incarnation of supreme power in the books of mythology. The intricacies and foresight of women are something beyond the capabilities of a male think tank.

Ok, enough of illustrations…..i guess its time for me to scribble my personal opinion on women. Although I must admit that I haven’t been close to a lot of women, I have had a real hard time trying to understand their ways. Reading between the lines of a woman is one of the most abstruse tasks that I have ever embarked on…..mostly I have landed up on the wrong side ( sandhya being the only exception I guess….i could read through her words and predict her moves more or less. Not that she was dumb, but she was pretty transparent ). Especially if the female depicts felinity, then god save the man…..ask me…im going through it now. ( giggles aside ).

While we men struggle for every morsel of our grades, these women pull them out with such insouciance that it disparages our efforts. And although people around keep saying that it’s the ‘female’ factor that fetches them the favour, I find the logic extremely garrulous. But I do believe it’s a female’s capability to concentrate for longer hours at a stretch that gets her the edge over the man….not necessarily the intellect.

I have always believed that extremes are complimentary in women. They are accused of gossip but through personal experience I have also come to know that they can hold volumes inside their stomach without even a whisper. It’s a gift to have the confidence of a woman and her’s as a shoulder to lean and cry on. And though I have not had the fortunes to have been loved by a woman ( atleast truly ) I would love to be intoxicated someday by the commitments of relationship.

The blog remains incomplete without paying tribute to the anatomy of a female. Readers please forgive me if I sound lewd, but my visit to khajuraho has just been an experience of a lifetime. Truly, the accentuating curves of the female anatomy are an assuage to a man’s cause- nature’s wonder should I say. From the cascading darkness of the hair to the covexity of the bosom flowing down into the botttleneck shaped waistline, every angle is perfectioned to articulate detail. A teacher in school had told me that every man ( I have to curb my chauvinism here to say the truth ) is born from a woman’s womb and the statement couldn’t be more just.

What is it in women that we fall for them?..what is it that she that makes her so unpredictably mysterious and enigmatic? What is so intoxicating in their fragrance that humbles the flowers even? What is so bucolic in seeing water drip from every strand of her hair?......answers that I have never had and probably never will. Maybe that’s what makes them so special, so urbane and rustic. They are the samples to cosset in your household.

Now for the negative part……..nah!! ill keep it to the positives only. The negatives will come in another blog.....titled 'THE NAKHRAS OF THE FEMALE SEX '.

Cheers!!

chemonomics

Recently I have come to know about the existence of a compound named ‘ EDUCATED UNEMPLOYED’
Chemical formula: EU

OCCURRENCE: omnipresent in INDIAl

PREPARATION: EU is prepared by taking an element called student in a multichambered furnace called college and after years of fluxing with a substance called knowledge. At regular intervals it is purified by a filter called ‘ question paper ‘. It is then packed in special packing foils called ‘ grade sheets ‘ and released into the market through the employment exhange.


CHEMICAL EQUATION: ( student + knowledge + question paper )/marksheet=EU

PROPERTIES OF THE ELEMENT STUDENT :

1. it is attracted to a magnetic material called love
2. it is insoluble in common solvents but readily soluble in ‘ friends and fashion ‘
3. exists in two isomeric forms- male and female
4. when subjected to immense pressure from family and society , it undergoes tautomerism and usually undergo ‘ suicide ‘
5. when freshly prepared, they possess a lot of dreams which vaporize when exposed to the society


CHEMICAL REACTIONS

1. EU + interview=failure + hopelessness
2. EU + politics=meeting + bombing + beating
3. EU + society=insult

USES: it is used indiscriminately by politicians for their selfish ends.


Nb: this is a sarcastic composition highlighting the evergrowing problem of unemployment that has hit the nation. The composer earnestly hopes that this light composition will go a long way in rendering the heavy crisis of EU.

smoke on the waters

They say history repeats! And at times the statement becomes so glaringly obvious and true. With a bit of ramifying touches of urban modernization, the ‘old’ is hitting Vogue Street thick and fast. No guesses for figuring out that it’s the ‘generation next’ that has been hit by wave, finding vicarious pleasures reliving those ages of the empires, in their own self-defined way. From the 60’s styles glazers, to bell-bottoms, to the mafia back-brush youths seem to have embraced history in their own ‘cool’ way.
However here I wish to share the experience of my first puff at the ‘hookah’. Another of those ‘blasts from the past’ that has become increasingly popular among the teens. Now as you hit the streets of Calcutta and look around, you will find a hookah parlor at every nook and corner. Even the café coffee day outlets have hookah at their out-chambers these days to meet up with the increasing number of teens trying a puff or two. I must admit that smoking at the hookah is absolutely innocuous. Albeit I don’t think it will take over the cigarette because of its clumsy size and the price tag it comes with. Its like dilettante smoking.
For all those wondering how the stuff looks and works, its basically a long water chamber which filters the coal smoke as you inhale it through a long serpent like pipe. Most importantly its tobacco free and hence, not so injurious to health. Its actually quite a regal feeling as you lie on the cozy couch, smoking at the pipe and trying to make smoke halos out of it. The smoke that you exhale is very dense I must say. Oh! and I also forgot to mention that the hookah comes in various flavors---peach, lemon mint, chocolate mint, chocolate brown so on and so forth. It’s the smoke that carries the aroma.
As I entered ‘seed beans and aroma’ I found a group of guys and girls engrossed in smoking. At first sight they looked like college goers, however I was proven wrong when I came to know that they were high school students. When I was in school these things were not around, and even if they were I don’t think I would have been allowed to go there. But it was really nice to see school students enjoying life just like me…something I had not done when I was in school, rather I could not do when I was in school.
Quite a concoction of thoughts I must say at first sight……as if in a time machine people have traveled back through the ages and living life in the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries…..just that instead of robes you have youths in casuals and jeans. I tried to be a bit opulent with my style of smoking-----twisted my wrist, curled up the pipe from the side and held the smoke in for as long as I could before languidly exhaling. I achieved my intention which was to get a bit high……the sensation was quite soothing I must say. With light music echoing in the background, dim lights and the smoke, it was pretty close to heaven of my imagination. Being on vacation after four months of drudgery, I was enjoying life like never before.
We walked out, headed straight into my friend’s car and like as if I was playing nfs, everything passed by me like a blur. God………some experience. Now I am keeping my fingers crossed. I don’t want to falls pray to the lure of the hookah. Not because of health concerns or moral trepidation, but for pecuniary concerns. An hour at the parlor and a hundred bucks just smoke away from the pocket like the smoke of the pipe. But who cares about the money?...i guess money outflux is just to ensure money influx. So for you guys, hit the road and get a taste of the sheesha.